the reds, they scare me

Kat: ... and DingDong is driving me crazy, she keeps tell me her dreams--and, ugh! People telling you dreams is so annoying!

Lincoln: yeah. I hate that.

Me: Hey! I tell you about my dreams all the time! I was just going to tell you about the one I had last night.

Kat: No, see, she does it in excessive, obnoxious, boring detail, like: "Last night I had this dream, that my baby was going to be a boy, and it was weird because, I've never dreamed about it having a gender, we don't know what the gender is yet, right? but this time it was a boy, which, I don't know, I don't think it's a boy, but it could be, right? So I was sitting with my baby at our house, doing nothing, just suprised he was a boy," and she won't stop talking.

*pause*

Me: Last night I dreamt I was being chased by communists.

Kat: ...

Lincoln: ...

Kat: and that's how you tell a dream.

Unfair

this morning, in our kitchen




I went to dinner last week with Lincoln and Kat, and while we were leaving Lincoln turned to me and said,


"You know I hate to say it, but ... your kids really are damn cute. It's just wrong."

I know. It's true. And I also know that if there were any justice in the world, any fairness at all, my kids would be ugly and annoying as babies.

And whiney and selfish as kids.











































And as teenagers they would skip class all the time, and when the school officer asked them where they thought were going, they would say,


"To my car. To go home. To sleep. Because I'm bored."


























That would be justice. That would be karma. That would also fulfill my parents prophecy:


"Wo! Wo! Wo! unto the disobedient child who constantly skippeth class and faileth to obeyeth her parents, for Lo! she shall have children just like unto her. And yea, she shall shed many bitter tears, yea bitter tears of sorrow, while her parents shall laugh with glee."





















Luckily, I married Christofer. And I think Chris has enough good karma saved up for the both of us.



















Do you realize he only skipped class, like, once in High School? And even then he and his brother concocted an elaborate plan to get themselves excused, and then called their mother and asked for her permission. To me, this is insanity.



























On the other hand, his insanity will probably save me years of hand-wringing and head-shaking, and prematurely grey-hairs, so ... let this be a lesson. Marry someone with good karma. Especially if you were a bratty adolescent.


It will make your kids damn cute.