I am not a fan of the new(est) “Pride and Prejudice” movie, mostly because I thought it was lame.
And I thought it was lame mostly because the dialogue was stupid.
And I thought the dialogue was stupid mostly because of scenes like this:
Mr. Darcy: You have bewitched me, body and soul. I love … I love … (wait for it) … I love you.
Elizabeth (walks to him, picks up his hand and kisses it tenderly): Your hands are cold.
(They kiss in the sunrise.)
Actually, looking at it written down makes me realize that without the stage directions, this scene wouldn’t be half bad. It would be more like a real scene, one I could see christofer and myself in. Of course, with us it probably would have gone more like this:
Him: You have bewitched me, body and soul. I love … I love … I love you.
Me: Your hands are cold.
Him: wha?
Me: You hands are cold. Very cold. Seriously. Like ice.
Him: My hands are … cold.
Me: Yes. Freezing. You really should have worn some gloves.
Him: I tell you that I am bewitched body and soul and you say … my hands are cold?
Me: Yes! They are cold! Didn’t you even look out the window? It’s all misty and foggy, and that means cold. Look, it would probably help if you buttoned your shirt up.
Him: Wait. Just wait. I told you that I am bewitched body and soul, and you said … said …
Me (helpfully): Your hands are cold.
Him: Right. My hands are cold. Don’t you think you should have said … something else?
Me: Something else?
Him: Right. Something else.
Me: Like what?
Him: Like … you’ve bewitched me too, and I need you?
Me: Are you serious?
Him: Yes.
Me: You want me to say that you ‘bewitched’ me?
Him: Well, it wouldn’t hurt.
Me: um, Yes. Yes, it would. It would cause me physical pain.
Him: Well, you could at least say you loved me.
Me: And I might have, if I hadn’t gotten distracted by the fact that you’re strolling around in the freezing morning half-undressed and shivering like an idiot! Your hands are so cold, I can’t even think about anything else.
Him: Look! Can we forget how cold I am for just a second and focus on the important stuff?
Me: Okay. Fine. No need to get huffy.
Him (slowly, as if to a child): I love you. Do you love me?
Me: Yes.
Him: Okay. Great. Why didn’t you just say so?
Me: Because I love you a little less when you talk like an idiot – and your hands are SO COLD.
Him: gah! Never mind.
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6 comments:
i'm not a fan of the new(est) "pride and prejudice" movie because at no point is there a lake scene or a song called "no life without wife".
but seriously, i can't believe you never tell chris he bewitches you.
it's like you don't even love each other.
I don't like that movie either!! I'm glad I'm not the only one. I think it was very poorly done.
i was bewitched once.
I think what you are failing to understand is that there are some of us who go see romantic movies because of how unbelievable they are.
If this movie was modified to match my love life, Darcy would have been 8 inches shorter, much less attractive, more apt to singing bad 80s power ballads on his guitar, and more likely to tell me that he liked me in a note delivered by his roommate that said "I think Ur Hott."
Thank heavens for the unrealistic.
Liz the ice queen. While reading that I had a very vivid image of you crushing your husband's heart. That's why we all love you.
I hated that movie because the hair and makeup were so bad I had to close my eyes a lot. It hurt... it hurt... it hurt me. They didn't even put makeup on Dame Judi!
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