Tuesday, July 1, 2008

late pregnancy FAQ

q: Hey, Liz! How's it going?

a: um, seriously? are you seriously asking me this? Look at me. How do you think it's going?

q: Oh! So, uh ... I guess that means you're in some pain.

a: Some pain. Right. Sure. Yes. Some. We'll go with that.

q: Well, how much longer til the baby comes?


q:Oh, hey, that's getting close! Really close!

a: ha ha ha, SAYS YOU.

q: Well, at least you know your Doctor will induce you when your date gets close.

a: Right. Which makes me think I'll probably end up overdue. Thank you for the most uncomforting thing you could possibly say to me.

q: Listen, your bitter and sarcastic attitude are unbecoming in an expectant mother and kind of making me uncomfortable. Do you think you could ... relax, or something?

a: no.

q: Oh. Well, just an idea. I thought maybe less whining would help you cope with these last weeks.

a: Maybe less whining would help you cope with your stupid ugly face.

q: ... That was hurtful. And unnecessary.

a: Sorry. I have a lot of hormonally-induced hostility. Your face is not at all stupid or ugly. I didn't mean it.

q: Have you sought the help of a mental care professional?

a: Have you sought the help of a qualified plastic surgeon? woops! There I go again! Sorry!

q: I think I'd like to leave. uh, Do you mind if I leave?

a: no, I don't mind. It's easier to wallow in self-pity if you're alone.

q: Ok. Um, well ... bye then!

a: Yes, bye! Let's do this again sometime!


kat said...

was that a conversation between the good and evil sides of your personality?

yes, i've met them both.

Leah Vanessa said...

it reminds me of the conversations i have with myself. there's nothing wrong with having more than one personality. it's healthy.

Kirsten said...

considering this is baby 3 in a relativly short period of time, I say you get to express all the bitterness and sarcasim you want.

Em said...

Remember how I want to call you but I can't because I don't have your phone number? And remember how I sent you a message... or two... maybe three(?) asking you for it but you still haven't sent me a message back leading me to believe that you're deliberately not sending me your phone number as part of your one step program to phase me out? Maybe it even has a name. Maybe "Edge out Em '08" or "Emancipate from Em." And why? Is it because I don't shower regularly? Or because I pick my teeth with a protractor I used in high school? What you want to leave me???

kat said...

how did you find out about "e.o.e.'08"?

Jorge said...

I like eradicate the em, or eliminate the em.

Fat eSpence said...