Tuesday, July 7, 2009

tuesday: a dramatization

6:00: William comes into bedroom, says he lost his binkie. Chris goes to help. I go back to sleep.

7:30: Chris gets up, goes downstairs, leaves for the gym. I go back to sleep.

7:45: Michael comes in. I let him in bed. He goes back to sleep. I go back to sleep.

8:00: William comes in. I let him in bed on the other side. He goes back to sleep. I go back to sleep. Michael wakes up.

8:10: Michael pokes me. "mama..." he says.
"shhhh," I say.
I go back to sleep.

8: 15: Michael props his head on his hand and pats my hair. "Mama," he says, "I love you so much."
I pat his hand on my head. "shhhh," I say.
He puts his head down. I go back to sleep.

8:20: Michael gets out of bed. "I'm just going to go to the bathroom," he stage-whispers, and runs out of the room. He slams the door. William wakes up.

8:20-8:30: William pokes me repeatedly in the face and calls me Bobo. I give up and get out of bed.

8:35: get Ivy. She's just hanging out in bed, staring at the ceiling. sometimes life is no fair.

8:45: "mama, I hungry," William says for the first time. I start making breakfast. "I'm working on it," I assure William.

8:46: Of course, I use the term "making breakfast" loosely. We slept in, so cheerios and strawberries all the way.

8:47: It's hard to do anything with William singing "I hungry, mama, I hungry. Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mama. I hungry." he's hanging on my leg. he becomes increasingly strident.

8:48: I stop reassuring him that breakfast is coming and begin vigorously ignoring him. so i can, you know, get breakfast.

8:50: William falls down in a puddle of tragic neglect in the middle of the kitchen floor. I stop getting breakfast, pick him up and reassure him that I do in fact love him, and, for the love of heaven, if he will just stop whining, I can finish getting breakfast for everyone.

8:55: William is consoled.

8:56: but now Ivy is crying. She wants her breakfast, too.

8: 57: William is crying again. Michael took his toy? or something?

8:58: Michael is crying now. He didn't do it. Do what? he doesn't know.

9:00: I sit everyone down on the couch and explain firmly that if everyone will STOP CRYING AND/OR FIGHTING I can finish getting breakfast and we can eat OR they can NOT stop crying and/or fighting and we can all go back to bed, instead.
everyone stops crying. even Ivy.

9:03: Ivy's drinking a bottle. boys are eating cheerios with strawberries on top. success! I make toast with peanutbutter to celebrate.

9:05: The boys are swordfighting with their spoons. I ask them to stop.

9:08: the boys begin swordfighting with their spoons again. I confiscate their spoons. "spoons are for big boys who use them to eat," I say. A little piece of my soul dies. and Michael sobs.

9:10: I watch them try to eat soggy cheerios with their fingers. I reflect that taking their spoons away was maybe not the best way to make my point.

9:15: oh, well.

9:30: Michael is cleaned up. William is cleaned up. they ask to go outside and jump on the tramp. sure.

9:31: begin cleaning cheerios off the chairs and floor.

9:32: and walls.

9:38: wait, where's Ivy?

9:38:30: Ivy is in the front room, chewing on Michael's flipflop.

9:40: Now Ivy is trapped in the highchair eating cheerios. She is happy. William, on the other hand, is outisde screaming.

9:45: It would appear that Michael shut him out of the tramp. Also took away his ball. Also his bat. Also his ability speak at normal volumes.

9:47: I try to discuss this with Michael while William is on my lap. "Michael, that wasn't ..." I'm saying, when William jumps in. "Don't TEASE ME, Michael!" He yells. "That NOT NICE."

9:48: and what else is there to say, really?

9:50: William is happy. Michael is happy. I look at the clock. GAH!

9:51: I run frantically up and down the stairs looking for swimsuits and towels and sunscreen. "Everyone, please take your PJs off," I say, and dash back upstairs for more swim diapers.

9:52: William follows me upstairs. Michael wanders off to look for his lightsaber.

9:53: "Boys! pajamas! off! now!" I order. William starts to go outside. Michael asks me to tell him a story.

9:53:30: I stop moving. "Alright guys, here's the deal: we can either take pajamas off now, or we can just stay home from swim lessons." everyone starts whining, but at least the pajamas come off.

9:54: I put William in his swim diaper, swimsuit and shirt. I ignore his protests and cover him in sunscreen. Michael gets himself dressed. I cover him with sunscreen, too.

10:00: I hand Michael his shoes with instructions to put them on and run upstairs to get dressed.

10:05: I hear William crying in the backyard. I run to the window. Michael has shut him out of the tramp again.

10:07: I run downstairs and begin gathering kids.

10:08: wait, where's Ivy?

10:08:30: Ivy is still in the highchair where I left her, eating cheerios and also Michael's shoe.

10:09: "How did Ivy get your shoe?" I ask Michael as I buckle him into the car. "She wanted it," he answers.

10:12: Everyone is in the car. We will not be late. "Mama. Mom. Mommy. MOOOOM," William calls. "Yes, William?" I answer patiently. "I stinky," he tells me.

10:18: We're really leaving this time.

10:35: Arrive at pool. Pull out stroller, kids, diaper bag, pool bag, run inside.

10:40: Whistle blows to indicate beginning of lesson. Michael runs for the pool. William belatedly realizes he can't think of anything more wretched than being forced into the water to play with his teacher, his friends, and all the great pool toys he's been telling me about. He glues himself to my leg.

10:41: still won't let go.

10:42: still won't let go.

10:43: teacher sees us, comes to help. William holds tighter.

10:44: wait, is Ivy okay?

10:45: still strapped in the stroller, just licking Michael's shoe.

10:46: finally manage to get Williams arms off long enough to run away.

10:47: William is back to loving the pool.

10:48: sit by Ivy. Hand her my (tightly closed) water bottle. Pull out a book.

10:50: I love swim lessons.

11:10: whistle blows. wait, what? done already? how did that happen?

11:13-11:25: dry, dress and move kids. Wrestle them into car. Leave swimming pool. Answer "can we go down the slide?" approx. 6 million times. suspect my kids never really listen to a word I am saying.

11:30-11:50: "Mama, I hungry. I hungry, mama. MOMMY! MOMMY! I HUNGRY."

Will William's hunger ever be satisfied? Did I ever manage to hide all the shoes somewhere Ivy can't find them? And why, exactly, did it take me so long to get a blog posted today?

...I guess you'll never find out, because I'm going to go to bed instead of finishing this.


Katie Lane said...

i'm so glad someone else's day is like mine.

Nama said...

This is hilarious. My favorite part was when Michael took William's ability to speak at a normal volume. I have that problem all of the time...

Ashley said...

The best is when your husband comes home from work, looks around, and says "what did YOU do today?"

So I am just going to print this out and hand it to him the next time I get asked.

Mauri said...

lol...really...I am laughing out loud right now! i love how you can discribe the goings on of an oh so perfect day, that sounds a lot like most of mine...right down to the 3 kids crying at the same time...

Lindsay Anne Hatfield said...

you could've been watching the michael jackson memorial, and news about the michael jackson memorial, and then a jackson family special. sounds like your day burns more calories.

Leah Vanessa said...

that's amazing.