Sunday, January 11, 2009


Internet, I'm a very complicated person.

No more complicated than any of you, of course. I'm sure that you, too, are a person full of mysterious complications. And layers. Lots and lots of deep, gooey layers. I'm just trying to comment on my own layers. The ones I have.

three, at last count.

and today I want to talk about the Body Dysmorphic Disorder one.

You know, BDD? It's where a person takes their perceived physical flaws and blows them way out of proportion, convincing themselves they are completely hideous and unlovable. It's a really tragic mental disease that affects a disturbing number of people, although I can't tell you how many because, are you kidding me? I am way too lazy to research a blog.

so, ya. Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

I think I have the opposite of that.

I'm pretty sure that I think I am way more attractive than I actually am.

because in my mind I perpetually look like this:

man, I look great. do you see those cheekbones? my smooth, yet careless hair? my FLAWLESS GLOWING SKIN? Photoshop, will you marry me?

This is what I picture. You know. When I picture myself. In my own mind. Which sounds weird, but I guess I must do it sometimes, because occasionally (today) I'll just be walkin' around, minding my own business, when I catch a glimpse of myself somewhere, and

whoa. WHOA. wait, what? I look like WHAT?

this does NOT jibe with my mind-picture.

and then I am disturbed. over my sanity.

And then, of course, because I'm also a little bit crazy, I get all worked up and decide that I DON'T EVEN CARE. I am tired and I have three kids and I think I'm just going to embrace my own unattractiveness by spending the rest of this very obnoxious month wearing Christofer's pajama pants and ratty old t-shirts.

(and if he doesn't want to share, TOO BAD, because this is all his fault anyway, for letting me out of the house LOOKING like THAT.)
(and also for the three kid thing.)

Thus my vanity crumbles.

edit to add: Oh, friends. Don't get all worried on me. My vanity isn't really over. Like I said, I have the opposite of BDD, which means eventually--momentarily--I will minimize and forget my physical flaws, and go back to considering myself ALL THAT.


Chris is putting the kids to bed.

I love that guy.


Shannon said...

Liz- I was blog hopping and found yours. It has been a million years since I have seen you. Your family is so cute- and I have to say that this post just cracked me up! I am glad that you're doing so well!
Shannon (Terry)

Laura said...

How did you get to be soooo skinny? I mean really! You did give birth to three kids...didn't you?

Lincoln said...

Liz? Vain?

kat said...

i had an eerily similar conversation last night and i am so picking up what your putting down.

Amanda said...

I think your opposite of BDD isn't as bad as you think. You are quite attractive. Nuf said.